Where have all the good men gone?

As a Badass Chick, you are an intelligent, independent, beautiful woman, confident in your sexuality. But if you have been floating around on the dating scene, you might be asking yourself, “Where have all the good men gone?” From my many years of experience dating, mating, marrying, being friends with and divorcing men, I can tell you: It takes patience to find someone you can respect, whose heart is open to you, and you can be with without driving you up the wall.

Good mate-material is out there. But, while you are looking, don’t waste your time and money on The Dirty Seven. The Dirty Seven are dead-ends and no matter how much hope, love, and denial you throw in their direction, they won’t change. There’s have too much of a pay-off being the rotters they are.

Underlying ProblemThe underlying problem with The Dirty Seven is a kind of selfishness that makes them incapable of giving your needs fair play. They lack empathy (the ability to put themselves in your shoes). They are looking for a relationship like you, but they are not capable of sustaining one.

Who are these Guys?I categorized the Dirty Seven the way the scientist or naturalist describes species of insects or birds. They have stayed true to type for over twenty years of testing in the laboratory of society. Don’t give up your freedom and happiness for these guys. They will always put you and your needs second or last. Read for a brief description of who they are and what you can do about them.

  1. ScarMan: Talks continuously about his ex and the past, to the exclusion of everything else, including you. You feel like saying, “Hello! You are out with me!”
    If you want to feel first in a man’s heart, throw ScarMan back on the dating beach.
  2. SideMan: Married or living with someone but looking for some excitement on the side, with no intention of creating a real relationship.
    Walk away and don’t look back. He wants to use you. If it takes a lie, he will lie to get what he wants, without a thought for the pain he causes. Divorce is expensive, he loves his kids, and he wants the best of both worlds. Don’t think he will leave his wife for you.
  3. CrazyMan: Has so many quirks, a hospital wing of psychotherapists couldn’t figure him out. He’ll drive you nuts if you give him a long-term try, so don’t start with him.
  4. GuyMan: Likes guys better than girls but pretends to be straight. The fact that he is lying to you about it is what makes him one of The Dirty Seven.
    Let him go on his journey of discovering his true identity without you.
  5. YAPpie: (Young And Poor) have the benefit of youth on their side but not much else: No money and no job prospects. You pay for everything and drive him around too.
    Do less for him. He is a species of parasite that survives by living off of women and will move on.
  6. OLMan: (Old Loser Man) is the YAPpie, grown older but not wiser. He has not provided for his future. He is looking to you to do that for him. He was lazy, selfish, and clueless in his youth and has remained the same in his old age.
    Do not get involved with him until you find out where and how he lives. Go there with him. If he is penniless, especially beware of how he lives.
  7. BagMan: Difficult children from different marriages some of whom live with him, multiple alimony payments, and lots of bitterness over past woes are just some of the baggage this man brings to the relationship.
    Give up on him before you are left holding the bag.

Good GuysLet me reiterate, good guys are out there and are worth taking the time to find. The good mate thinks about the “us” before he thinks about himself. The relationship is foremost in his life and he shows you that it is. His life is not about his miserable self, self, self and he wants to do something to make things better in the world instead of being a drain on the system.

He takes care of himself because he has self-respect. Money is not what motivates him. His heart guides him. He lives his life with passion and is not a wound-licking victim or an ego-driven control freak. He understands the territory of love and shares it with you. He appreciates and respects you and you feel a warm glow of happiness when you think of him. He is the exact opposite of all of the Dirty Seven:

  1. The un-ScarMan: He is not stuck in the past and is here with you, now. He wants to learn about you because he is interested.
  2. The un-SideMan: He is devoted to you and not lots of chicks on the side. He puts his whole heart into your relationship.
  3. The un-CrazyMan: He has enough reference in reality to be able to share your world with enthusiasm. He is balanced and rational.
  4. The un-GuyMan: He is honest about his sexuality and loves you because you are a woman with a woman’s body.
  5. The un-YAPpie: He can support himself and does not expect you to be a Sugar Mama. He has plans and goals for what he wants from life and how he wants to contribute to others.
  6. The un-OLMan: He has had a life vision and continues to work on it, even when he is up in years. He can support himself and stays young-at-heart, though he has the wisdom that comes with age and experience.
  7. The un-BagMan: He might have some baggage, as everyone who has lived has, but he does not inflict it on you so that it takes over your life. He has handled it cleanly and fairly so that it does not keep coming back to haunt him and you.

Be BadassSo don’t be a wimp when one of the Dirty Seven comes your way. Only women with low self-esteem fall for these guys, or continue on with them when they find out what they really are. The Dirty Seven don’t get better. They don’t even want to get better. The payoff for being selfish is great for them. Only the chick loses in this situation. Even the sex sours when you lose complete respect for a man. Assert your Badass Chickness and move on to someone who has the ability to really love you!

June Marshall See all posts by this author
is a BADASSCHICK Magazine™ contributor and author of The Dirty Seven: Ladies Beware.
  • Dan Fawcett

    There is a reason that there are so few good men available on the dating scene, and this article doesn’t even come close to explaining why.

  • Andrew Ulrich

    Where Did All The Good Men Go?

    Satire by AldenHamil

    I am a woman of Generation Y and I’ve just turned 29 years old. I’ve been looking for Mr. Right since I was 26 and there’s one little problem I keep running into: There are no Mr. Rights lining up to marry me! I know I’m not alone here, because I’ve seen plenty of articles on the Internet about women just like me having the same problem. I really don’t know what’s wrong with me, and why men aren’t more interested in me.

    I’ll admit… I’ve made some mistakes. Like most women of my generation, I grew up being taught that I could do anything I wanted, and that there’d never be consequences for my actions. I was always taught that I deserved the world, and that my entire life would fall into perfect harmony any time I wanted it to, including marriage, promptly by the age of 30. You see, being taught these notions as a little girl, I decided to do what most of my girlfriends did: once I got out of high school, I spent the next ten years “finding myself” by spending all of my free time chain-smoking cigarettes and getting drunk in bars and clubs. There were many men I got involved with during this period of my life. None of them were the wholeseome kind of men you could build a life with, but I didn’t care. I wanted action. I wanted excitement and drama. I knew those men never cared about me and only wanted sex, but I gave it to them anyway. Some of them hit me, and a few smashed in my car windows, but whatever. I’ve been with over fifty men, not counting the ones I just fooled around with. Is this hurting my chance to find true love?

    There were a few really great men who came into and out of my life during this period, usually from outside the bar scene. They were men who really cared about me, who were concerned for my well being, and who did the little special things to let me know they cared, but I ignored them. I did, I’ll admit it. Every man who came into my life who displayed these positive traits – the kind of traits that could have led to stability and happiness – I rejected. I found them boring. Honestly, I was having too much fun with my lifestyle to ever take notice of the men who actually treated me like a human being. I was addicted to promiscuous sex with bad boys who never loved me. Most of my girlfriends were the same way. Why settle for a good man before you have to, right?!

    Now I’m 29 years old. I only drink on the weekends and I’ve curbed my smoking somewhat, but it’s taken a real toll on my body. My looks are fading, and my biological clock is ticking. I am a single mother of one child born out of wedlock to an abusive, no-good father who never loved me or even had a relationship with me. Not that I wanted a relationship – he was just some guy I met in a bar and I liked how he talked to me like I was dirt. What can I say, it made me hot. He’s currently in prison for armed robbery, so he’s not coming back for another eleven years.

    I guess it helps to know that I’m not alone in this. Nearly all of my girlfriends made the same decisions I made, and we’re all having trouble landing quality, marriage-minded men now that we’re getting older. Where did all of those good men go? Didn’t they realize that all we needed was a decade of promiscuous, no-strings-attached sex with non-committed, low quality men, after which we’d be ready to “settle” for a decent, stable man and a house with a white picket fence?

    I mean what gives? I’m done chasing bad boys and now I feel like I deserve to have a kind and hard-working man come and marry me and be a good provider and father to my son. I don’t care what he looks like as long as he’s over 6 feet tall, makes good money, doesn’t have kids, hasn’t ever been married, has a nice car, has his own house, is planning for the future, is confident, funny, independent (but not too independent), fashionable, suave, educated, cultured, and wants to treat me like the amazing, special person that I am. Is that really too much to ask? Why can I not find a man like this? Where did all the good men go?

    Signed,

    The Women of Generation Y

  • Aya Taylor

    Its not you in particular. Men aren’t lining up to marry at all anymore. What’s in it for them? Odds are it’ll be divorce and they’ll be out of pocket.

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