Those gifts that keep on giving

We’ve all been there, and we’re here again. Christmas. You can count on one thing – there will be a gift inside a pretty package that is your worst nightmare. There you are opening this beautifully wrapped present only to find horror inside of the box. Then you smile and say “thank you, you love it” while hoping they won’t notice how you really hate it. But don’t fret too much. You can use this as a way to save money and pass it on to some other poor soul. Who knows, they may actually like it.

Who the hell ever made the first recipe for fruitcake? It’s the trademark gift for Christmas and it sucks! It’s everywhere! The good thing is, you can give it to someone half a century old and they will think it’s the think of how much money you can save by passing it on best thing next to hearing aids and dentures. Not to mention it’s probably an antique and has been passed down for years. What are those green jelly things anyway?

Save the people you care the least about for these gifts. The checkered ties, cheap perfume, grandma underwear, socks that don’t fit, books you’ll never read, stupid knick-knacks, and clothes you wouldn’t even wear for Halloween. These come in handy for the people that got you a gift that you weren’t planning on buying for. Make sure you have plenty of extra wrapping paper for these special presents. Re-wrap and send it off.

Then you have the ones that you have to keep around because the person that gave them to you is a frequent visitor at your house. Keep an extra space in your closet for these so you can pull them out before they come over and tell them how much you enjoy it. Beware though, you may get another one next year.

The worst is the present from your lover that you hate. How do you get out of this one? You have two choices: be honest or suffer with it. If it’s something to be worn then you should probably say something like, “Honey, I love it but it doesn’t fit me right.” Then tell him they didn’t have your size and exchange it for something you like. If it’s jewelry then your fucked. “It’s the thought that counts.” Damn! You may have to wear it a few times or at least when he’s around. Being honest is probably the best way to go with lover boy. That way he will get a better idea of what you like and what you don’t. You don’t want to be going through this every year. Tell him you appreciate it with all your heart but it just isn’t you. Be gentle and if he’s a good guy, he’ll understand. A BJ (blow job) would also be a good idea in this situation. It will make him forget all about it. What gift?

It’s all about perspective. Instead of thinking about how much you really don’t like the Charlie perfume grandpa bought you and the reindeer sweatshirt with the flashing red nose that aunt Betty sent you, think of how much money you can save by passing it on. It may make someone really happy or save them a lot of money too when they pass it on. Good luck and hey, have a Merry Christmas!.

Sun See all posts by this author
is an artist and writer.
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