There is no white knight

There is no white knight. No I do not mean that in the way that there is no spoon. It’s not a matter of your reality, it is simply the truth.

because we expect for our mate to be all of those things for us, we are sadly disappointed by the true reality of relationships

What am I babbling on about? I am talking about the delusion that was fed to us from childhood. The belief that some where, out there is the perfect man. The one who is going to rescue us and make our lives wonderful and happy. The man that is going to complete us or make us whole. Our “soul mate” if you will.

As little girls we were read stories of fairy tales where the girl met her Prince Charming and then lived happily ever after. We were told tales about the beautiful princess who was rescued by the white knight and she never was unhappy again. So from birth, we are taught to expect that the perfect man exists. Some how we will meet him and he will know everything without being told and he will protect us from everything that hurts us. Rather a detrimental thing, those fairy tales.

Ladies, the white knight does not exist and there is no Prince Charming. I know many of you already know that, but there is still an amazingly large population of us that are convinced that our soul mate is out there and we are holding out until he comes. The problem is we keep waiting for perfection, and perfection does not exist. There is no such thing as the perfect mate just as there is no such thing as the perfect relationship. While perfection is something to strive for, it doesn’t actually exist. Especially where humans are concerned. We are a flawed bunch.

We won’t be able to find the perfect man that can meet our needs without being told. That man doesn’t exist. And it isn’t exactly fair to expect every potential mate to be a mind reader. And you can’t expect every one to understand your soul. Half the time, we don’t even understand our own. It’s unrealistic to expect the perfect mate to never mess up or say something incredibly stupid or insensitive. Prince Charming may never do things like that, but I have never yet heard of a man that fills all of Prince Charming’s long list of virtues.

That said, you will never find the perfect man to complete you. Because if you are not a whole person on your own, you will never be a whole person with someone else. You need to find satisfaction within yourself before you can expect someone else to satisfy you. If you are nothing without your mate, then you are nothing with them. It sounds terrible, but it is true. A mate can add to your happiness, but they cannot be responsible for all of it.

But because we expect for our mate to be all of those things for us, we are sadly disappointed by the true reality of relationships. When the white knight fails to make you happy, because you aren’t happy with yourself, you are convinced it is because he is not your soul mate. He is not your perfect man, or your perfect match. We throw that relationship away because he just wasn’t perfect, not realizing that our unrealistic expectations are dooming us to failed relationship after failed relationship.

Sitting and waiting for that perfect man to come and rescue you and bring you the happiness you cannot find for yourself is just as hopeless as literally kissing a pond full of frogs and hoping one of them will turn into your Prince.

There is no perfect relationship, just as there is no perfect man. Every one of them has bumps and tumbles. Don’t get into a relationship expecting it to be easy and wonderful. That isn’t reality. That is the stuff of fairy tales and it belongs in the books in the fiction section. This is the real world where we make mistakes. Both sexes are guilty of that.

Don’t wait for Prince Charming to come and make you live happily ever after. Don’t wait for the white knight to come and rescue from your despair. Don’t sit waiting for the perfect man to come along. He’s not out there. They aren’t out there. Be happy with yourself and perhaps get together with an almost perfect sort of guy.

Now that I think about it, most fairly tales end right after the wedding. You have to wonder why that is.

Kitashla See all posts by this author
is a mother, a writer, a gamer and a thespian, and holds a degree in history and psychology.
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