The Pickup

I’m sure at one point or another, we’ve all been on the receiving end of a pick-up line. Anyone who has spent any amount of time in bars or nightclubs can attest to this. Imagine if your job put you in these environments several nights a week–yeah, I think you get my point. So I’ve decided to tell a story or two, and compose a list of some pick-up lines that both myself as well as my fellow bartenders have been subjected to.

I want to start off by telling you what happened last night to inspire this. It wasn’t actually a cheesy pick-up line, but rather a ridiculous question. Towards the beginning of my shift, a friend of mine had come in to have a drink and say hello. She sat down at the bar next to a gentleman that I had just served. By the way, my friend is this tall, slender, beautiful Southern Belle from Mississippi and this man was, well, let’s say he was clinging to a 70’s, maybe 80’s rocker look. He struck up a conversation with her immediately and she responded with hesitant feedback. At one point she had told him that she was there to visit me and pointed out that she and I were friends. The conversation was cut short by her departure.

I don’t know what was actually said, but, I have a feeling she spoke of me in high regard because all of the sudden this man (who didn’t even tip me) went from cold indifference to “How ya doin’?” in a flash. After several attempts to catch me long enough to start a conversation, he had his moment. He asked that so-stereotypical question when trying to get to know someone, “So, what do you do for a living?”

After removing the “DUH” look from my face I responded with, “I tend bar.”

I will be the first to admit that I can be rather intimidating, especially behind the bar. I’ve been subject to quite a few nervous attempts by men to get a conversation going. One night, inspired by my love of tattoos, a man started out with “So, do you still have that tattoo on your back?” I told him it came off in the shower the week before.

As mind blowing as these questions are, I have to admit, I do have a lot of fun responding. I can go on and on with more–but this is an article, not a book.

Here are some lines that have actually come out of peoples mouths, I swear:

  1. I forgot my number, can I have yours?
  2. I’d like to climb you like a tree.
  3. My shoes wanna fuck.
  4. Wanna go in halves on a bastard?
  5. If you are what you eat, I plan to be you in the morning.
  6. I haven’t been with a woman since being paroled.
  7. Wanna get a pizza and fuck? What, you don’t like pizza?
  8. Did it hurt when you fell from the sky?
  9. Is that a mirror in your pocket, cause I can see me in your pants.
  10. Are those space pants, cause your ass is out of this world!
  11. I haven’t raped anyone this week.
  12. Got any Mexican in ya? want some?
  13. Got dick?

And there’s one more I have to include for my dear friend Scott: “I’ve got a boat and a beach house.”

Okay folks, theses lines are for entertainment purposes alone. I don’t recommend using them. Well, maybe the bastard one – that’s too classic! Anyway, I hope you’ve enjoyed reading this as much as I’ve enjoyed writing it. Have fun out there and always be safe!

Anastasia See all posts by this author
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