Picture if you will: You’re in an airport with lots of people milling around, rushing to their destinations, dragging their luggage along with them wherever they go. Some people have 3 suitcases and actually have to rent a cart, where others merely have a briefcase. But these items go with them wherever they go.
Why do we allow the past to dictate the way we deal with things in the future?
I’ve created this image in your mind to illustrate a point. This is how we go about our lives every day. Only the luggage represents the emotional baggage that we carry with us everywhere we go. Look around…….some of us are sporting a mere briefcase, while others are out there renting carts.
I’m here to address those cart renters — both men and women. I would like to pose a question to all of you out there: Why do we do it? Why do we allow the past to dictate the way we deal with things in the future?
It is really upsetting when I’m interested in a person who, on the surface, seems to have it all together. Then, after some time has passed and I’ve gotten to know them better, I discover that there are “intimacy issues” and that this person can only get so deep — the term “emotionally unavailable” comes to mind. Usually this is as a result of some girl that they fell hard for in the past turning on them like a wet cat. This has manifested itself in their psyche so deeply that they harbor preconceived notions about me and how our relationship will unfold — the relationship is doomed from the get-go.
During the past month, in speaking with friends and acquaintances, both men and women alike, I have come to the conclusion that the post-relationship dynamic has a remarkable effect on whether we develop a “barricade” towards the next relationship. In other words, if you are cordial with your ex after the breakup, even enjoying a friendship stemming out of respect and genuine affection, then you’re more likely to be able to receive a new relationship without any emotional strings attached. (A notable exception would be an ex who abused you or abused drugs, or blatantly cheated on you with hundreds of others.)
It might not be wise to get on the phone and start calling all of your ex’s in the hopes that you’ll be able to purge this baggage. Some would consider that stalking. But, you may want to resolve yourself to being cordial or even friendly the next time you see him or her — and really mean it. Wouldn’t it be nice to not be caught in an uncomfortable situation for a change? That resolution alone would be enough to absolve you.
So, when you find yourself in that “Airport” of life, and you’re just getting off of that “Relationship Airplane,” try something different for a change…….skip that baggage carousel and tear up that baggage claim ticket! It won’t be easy, but later on, you’ll be glad you did.