It came from Hell: jealous exes

For those literary bad ass chicks out there, this article might better be titled “The Taming of the Shrew”. Unfortunately, this is my own story of woe and wickedness. For the past five years I have been harassed, tormented, and annoyed by the wicked witch of West Miami. To make a very, very long story short I have worked with, been friends with, and lived across the street from someone who has had an on again, off again relationship with a total psycho. Let’s say that once again, “psycho”. The dreaded jealous girlfriend strikes again! She has tried to torture me with her various forms of non-badasschick tactics like yelling at me while I rollerblade down the street that she wished I would drop dead and die or calling me at home to tell me things like ” I can never be her”. Like that would ever be a consideration. Of The dreaded jealous girl-friend strikes again! course, when I explained to her that I was happy I could never be insecure, psychotic, or lacking in self respect she didn’t take it that well. I have to say my favorite episode was when she pulled me aside and told me she was like a fly. What the hell does that mean? Can someone explain this to me? I have pondered over this for four years and still havn’t figured it out. Is this some special non-badasschick metaphor. Please e-mail me if you know. The explanations I get for this behavior from her boyfriend is that she hates me because I’m skinny, I wear skimpy outfits when I’m rollerblading, I’m secure, smart, and single, blah, blah, blah……I think it might be time to see a therapist.

Of course you might ask, why do you put up with this, your a badasschick. This is where it gets complicated. I happen to think her boyfriend is a badassguy. He has a great sense of humor, we have fun, and he looks pretty badass also. We’ve known each other almost six years and I refuse to let the Wicked Witch of West Miami ruin this. In fact, I forgave her actions for a long time because I know that he is not that trustworthy and this might be the cause for her Exorcist like behavior. That fortunately has worn off. It’s time she either take care of her man or leave him. My biggest pet peave is all those Ricki Lake like girls who always blame the girl for his infidelitys-true or not-and not the guy. Hello, let’s wake up and realize who the wrong party is.
I have learned ways to deal with all the various Wicked Witches out there during my episodes with the Wicked Witch of West Miami (more than I can write about without giving War and Peace a run for its money) and I want to pass them on to all the badasschicks and guys out there. Guys, if you recognize your girlfriend in the description above, get out of the house now and never look back! You can do alot better.

Stages of Revenge

Stage One– Be the bigger person. Say nothing while she insults you (what do you care what she has to say anyway) Go about your business or walk away. This drives the Wicked Witch more crazy than anything.

Stage Two– Take her crazy behavior and insults as a compliment. Do you know how great it makes me feel that someone is this threatened by me? I knew I was a badasschick, but not that badass. Thanks for making that clear for me ,Wicked Witch.

Stage Three-If you really want revenge and have the opportunity, sleep with her boyfriend. This might make all the grief you’ve suffered at her hand worth it. Do remember to take responsibility for your actions though and don’t run and tell her. Keeping it to yourself might make you feel better.

You will of course figure out your own various ways of revenge during the way so be sure to share them with us so we can rid the world of Wicked Witches forever!

Nat See all posts by this author
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