Guy Man: Fourth of the Dirty Seven

Badass Chicks are freedom-loving. We accept all kinds of lifestyles, as long as innocent people aren’t hurt and nobody is forced to do anything against their wills. But GuyMan does hurt people because he is not straight about his sexual preference. GuyMan likes guys better than girls. But he is out there trying or pretending to be sexually attracted to women. He puts on a good act or he attempts, hopefully, to be what he is not. The fact that he is gay is not the problem. The fact that he is lying to you and to himself about it is what makes him one of The Dirty Seven.

GuyMen are relatively scarce. But like an exotic species of scorpion, they can deal a painful bite.He finds you attractive and interesting and thinks he can overcome his basic aversion to women sexually. So he dates you, hoping he might be able to stomach you when those intimate moments come up. He knows he can fantasize that he is with a man during sex, especially if he wants children. But if you have ever been with a man who loves women, you will be aware that something is lacking. In time you will question your attractiveness as a woman. You might think it is your fault.

Some GuyMen are ashamed of their gayness and hide it because of how society has treated gays in the past. Some hide it because their dream has always been to have a family with kids. So they get married. They do not let the woman know they are gay. Or, if they make a last-minute confession, say that they were once gay, but have completely changed. They hope they can contain the volcano that surges beneath the surface. One day, it erupts and blows the illusion out of the water. By then you have already invested time, money and life in a dream that turned into a nightmare.

Small but Deadly
ScarMen, SideMen, and CrazyMen are out there in abundance. GuyMen are relatively scarce. But like an exotic species of scorpion, they can deal a painful bite. If you are like my friend Molly, who walked in on her husband having sex with a man, being bored to tears by ScarMan doesn’t seem so bad.

SideMan is still despicable, and to be avoided completely, but at least he likes sex with women. That is his problem, he likes the sex so much, he is willing to lie so he can get some extra for himself. But GuyMan will erode your confidence as a desirable woman, because sex with you is bottom on his to do list.

CrazyMan is more irritating than GuyMan, but at least you can joke about the bizarre experience with your girlfriends. But it is not funny when you find out that the guy you have been dating is picturing Brad Pitt when he is kissing you. Your friends will not laugh at this either.

Some GuyMen really want families and the whole package of normalcy. They are natural fathers and nurture the best in their children. They love and cherish the whole concept of the family unit. The only thing about it they can’t get into is the way their wife’s body is shaped. If only she had pecs-of-steel and a penis!

In bed he is more affectionate than passionate (unless he pretends you are a guy). But your breasts and hips make it difficult sometimes. He is very helpful in household matters. But something is missing. His heart may be with you, but his body is with Bobby. Bobby’s that cute construction worker with the killer biceps building your deck. You see GuyMan’s eyes light up when Bobby walks by. He never looks at you that way. You are competing with another guy and you lose!

What Can You Do?
Nothing. You can do nothing to change GuyMan’s sexual orientation. But you can walk out on him for fooling you about who he really is. As with all of The Dirty Seven, his is an issue of character. It is about deception in this case, even if he means you no harm. You might not know what he really is until it is too late. He fooled you, even if he acted sympathetic and was fun to be with. Sometimes he doesn’t even know he is fooling himself, he wants so badly to look heterosexual.

Wish Him “Bon Voyage”
Let him go on his own journey of discovery without you. You were only a prop anyway. I know. He had feelings for you. But it was more like affection for a sister. Waiting around for him to get over this “phase he’s going through,” is the deluded behavior of a woman who isn’t ready for a fully sexual relationship with a man. It is like standing at the edge of the desert and waiting for it to turn into a garden.

June Marshall See all posts by this author
is a BADASSCHICK Magazine™ contributor and author of The Dirty Seven: Ladies Beware.
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