Great Expectations

Perfection is a matter of perspective. Are you willing to put yours in check? What we demand of ourselves can be our own interpretation of perfection of another individual; a standard by which we shop for a mate. The “I don’t expect anything from anyone that I don’t expect of myself” type of mentality, if you will. This sort of “bar-raising” can send a lot of what could be some very personable and attractive candidates out in the cold without a fair shake.

Have you actually sat down and thought about what you really want in a life partner? What are you willing to compromise on?

I submit that people are consistently giving in to society’s standards of perfection when it involves their appearance, career, personality and even the people that they hang around with. In turn, those same standards are implemented, and sometimes inflated, when looking for that significant other and can be completely unrealistic.

This level of expectation can feed upon itself once two people have embarked upon an exclusive relationship. Because of this high standard, both parties have put on their best faces for the initial courtship. What results after time has passed is that, little by little, the “fog” clears, and suddenly, the real individual starts to materialize with behavior and habits that weren’t previously apparent. The person that you started this whole thing with isn’t the person that’s sitting across the breakfast table having a coffee and danish with you now…pass the arsenic, please.

I’ve re-defined my rendition of perfection these days. Compatibility is beginning to push its way to the top of my list. As a priority, physical appearance tends to go by the wayside

When you behave a certain way around the opposite sex, are you really being yourself? Do you want to be perceived in that fashion for the rest of your life? Have you actually sat down and thought about what you really want in a life partner? What are you willing to compromise on? Are you willing to make a change in yourself as a result of finding that special person (i.e. quitting smoking, picking up a second language, etc.)? It is a two way street, you know.

And this doesn’t even factor in the possibility that these same high standards are being directed towards you as well by some other overly discriminating individual. Wouldn’t it be nice to put all of your cards on the table from the very beginning so that you can relax? Posing is terribly exhausting and transparent. It’s like a bad toupe — everyone knows it’s there, but no one talks about it.

Is it really considered “settling” when we decide that we can live with someone else’s idiosyncrasies? And why do these little “habits” of our intended become so annoying after a period of time once the “Honeymoon” phase is over?

In my own personal experience, I’ve let little things “slide” with previous relationships saying to myself that it will work itself out, or that I’d get used to whatever habit that I wasn’t too crazy about. Recently, it’s become extremely obvious to me that this was very shortsighted thinking on my part. I was taking the road commonly traveled by so many, only to have my resentment build up and manifest itself in the form of a nasty break-up.

I’ve re-defined my rendition of perfection these days. Compatibility is beginning to push its way to the top of my list. As a priority, physical appearance tends to go by the wayside as you mature. Don’t get me wrong, I like gorgeous, dreamy eyes and a chest that you could land an airplane on as much as the next red-blooded female. But, I’ve noticed over the years that a man’s personality, sense of humor, etc. can be just as much of a turn-on. It’s a package deal, for lack of a better phrase. A compatible soul has a “shine” above and beyond someone that just looks good both coming and going.

So what if that guy standing in line at the supermarket looks like he just finished washing his car? He may be a sensitive, caring, intelligent, considerate, welcoming individual with not a stitch of baggage to his psyche. He might look like a ragamuffin right now, but it could very possibly be that his car is a beautiful vintage classic that’s been lovingly restored to perfection by his very own talented and masculine, yet tender hands. He could be just taking a break to go pick up some more Turtle Wax and a six-pack. Would that be so terrible?

Andrea See all posts by Andrea
is a BADASSCHICK Magazine™ contributor
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