Get him to eat your pie

Is he a being a pussy about eating your pie? Do you feel like you’ll go crazy if he doesn’t have a taste? Maybe he’s not a fan of the natural aroma and flavor. Maybe he’s a selfish prick who only cares about himself. If you think the first explanation sounds right then there are ways to change his mind.

First of all, and most important, keep it fresh and always bathe right before you see him. Men don’t like going South right after you’ve finished in a triathalon. Second, who wants a big mouth full of hair?Who wants a big mouth full of hair? Shave for God’s sake, you’re not starring in Debbie Does Dallas Shave for God’s sake, you’re not starring in Debbie Does Dallas. The big bush is definitely out. A nice well-trimmed mohawk is like Bob Barker saying “come on down!” Some men prefer the completely shaved look, but you’ll find that most men are happier with a little patch to tickle their nose.

Another way to make the experience more exciting is to surprise him with a little bit of his favorite flavored lip gloss on your lips (not the ones on your face). You can sneak to the bathroom right before bedtime or smear some on under your panties before the date. Honey also works, but don’t go too crazy or you might find walking to be a bit unpleasant.

Try to get him thinking about you from the waist down ahead of time. Wear a skirt that just barely shows the outline of your G-string, or wear no panties at all. Have a couple of drinks together. Get him buzzed but not drunk, you don’t want to be driving on a flat tire after he’s gotten your engine lubed up.

Lastly, let him know that you’re enjoying it, go crazy, get hot, and let him know. If you reward him with positive reinforcement for his actions he’s more likely to feel like Zamfir playing the pan flute and do it again, rather than a bumbling idiot with a mouth full of marbles.

Crystal River See all posts by this author
is a world traveled poet and photographer
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