Dud or Stud?

Why is it that we woman pick the tight-bodied stud over the nerdy nice guy? This is a real no-brainer; it’s because the tight-bodied stud makes us all tingly. Unfortunately for the geeky good guys, and us, we are a lot more superficial than we’d like to believe. Unconsciously we see the goofy sweet guys as unmasculine and timid. We even go so far as to tell them they’re “too nice” or “too sweet”. Let’s face it, what we really mean is, you’re a wuss and you like me too much, which makes me feel smothered and unattracted to you. So instead of learning to work past these feelings, we choose the man that we have the most physical chemistry with and then complain when he turns out to be a jerk. Maybe if we chose our romantic partners based on personality and compatibility rather than appearance and testosterone levels we’d be a lot happier. In my opinion, if you choose your boyfriends based on their outer beauty alone then you get what you deserve when you realize the guy inside the body is a jack ass.

Remember that in the long run, looks fade and a bad personality will inevitably eclipse a great body or handsome face

It’s human nature to search for your ideal mate, one who has both the physical and the emotional package, and sex is a very important part of a relationship. So don’t feel bad about holding out for a great guy, but don’t fool yourself into thinking that you’re really looking for a deep connection when you give a guy your number only because he has a nice butt. Remember that in the long run, looks fade and a bad personality will inevitably eclipse a great body or handsome face. We all know this, yet we still get weak in the knees when a hot man asks us out. We usually say “yes” without even thinking about whether we are spiritually compatible. And when a nice, yet not so hot guy, who we know is wonderful, asks us out we make excuses or just say “no”. Maybe we should rethink this dating strategy. Of course, there are some great guys out there who just happen to be drop dead gorgeous, and there are also some nerds who are cocky dickheads (these guys are usually jaded from rejection or are overcompensating), but as a whole, nerds tend to be very nice and interesting people who might just surprise you if you gave them a chance. Of course we all want a man that turns us on, but I think we are being a little narrow minded about what can push our sexual buttons.

In my unfortunate experience, many gorgeous men turn out to be a big let down in bed. We assume that they’ll be amazing lovers because they’re nice to look at and probably have a great deal of experience. But a lot of these guys are so used to being drooled on that they assume being good looking is all that they have to do to turn you on. They don’t seem to put a lot of thought into their sexual routine. They just give you the old jack hammer and then pat themselves on the back after you pump out a couple of fake moans while thinking, “For the love of God, would you just get it over with!” Another well-known sad fact is that the big guys often pump iron to make up for their smaller than average love muscles. And nothing is more disappointing than getting all worked up just to be poked by a pencil. This can be overlooked when the guy is either highly skilled or just plain nice, but when he’s neither it’s pretty tough to ignore.

Nerds, on the other hand, don’t seem to have that insane desire to prove to their buddies what a big, manly jerk they are. They tend to be more enthusiastic in bed, and more creative with their lovemaking. For all you know the guy who you’ve never thought of as anything more than a friend could turn out to be the one guy who could truly rock your world. Nerds, after all, don’t have sex very often, so they appreciate it more when they do get it.

Besides the obvious sexual disappointments there are also emotional drawbacks to choosing the physical connection over the spiritual connection. How can a relationship possibly work if all you have in common is a carnal love? It can’t, and if a superficial attraction is what you base your romantic choices on, then you will be devastated time and time again, which could leave you feeling hopeless and very lonely. When you continually set yourself up for failure, failure is what you’ll get. Don’t make the same shallow mistakes you’ve made in the past. Picking the brawn over the brain hasn’t worked so far, so why keep doing it? It’s time to give the nice guys a chance.

Crystal River See all posts by this author
is a world traveled poet and photographer
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