Diaries of a naked house cleaner

A few summers ago, I got out of graduate school into a horrible economy. After considering every and any job I saw posted, I realized that just taking any job would leave me unfulfilled and miserable. It was after a long and grueling summer of unemployment that I finally landed a job in my field. It was only part-time and not enough to support myself, but I felt I had no choice but to take it. So after long hours of reviewing my options, I decided to take my financial fate into my own hands. I started my own nude house cleaning service and began working as a naked housecleaner.

The idea for a naked housecleaning service was not my own. I first read about it in BUST magazine. I think it was their ‘it’s okay to be a feminist and do domestic things’ issue. I was intrigued. Upon doing further research, I found that there are people who, for g-string and topless housecleaning, are willing to pay big bucks. I would always joke about doing this with my friends until one day when I was feeling particularly brave, I decided to post an ad and try it for myself.All I had to do was walk around his apartment, showing my legs and bottom

It is rather curious that an educated, feminist woman like myself would be prancing around naked, cleaning house for the entertainment of men. Especially since I can barely take care of my own house. My reasons for doing this started out simply. I have always had a real interest in the sex industry. My own dabbling in it included working in an Erotic Bakery called Sweet N’ Nasty and one horrible day as a phone sex operator. I find what turns people on and the different things people like to be truly fascinating. Watching men watching women has also been of a particular interest to me for reasons that I was not quite aware of at the time.

Naked housecleaning is in no way degrading to me, as it is my choice to be there, I am in control and in the end, I get paid. The fact that I can do something as simple as take off my clothes and do a little cleaning to make a good amount of money amuses me to no end. With this, I feel the power of being a woman.

With that I am ready to tell about my first appointment. It happened the same day I posted the ad on a local community website. The ad simply stated something like Naked Housecleaner available. You supply the cleaning stuff, I come naked or wearing whatever you want me to. No touching involved. Cash upfront. At this time, I didn’t really know what to write or what to expect of the situation or myself. This was a new adventure for me.

Man #1 I met him at his local Starbucks, for he is nervous about his neighbors getting suspicious. We walk to his house and I am wary about revealing too much information about myself. I somehow want to create an aura of mystery about myself, something I perhaps picked up from a media portrayal of sex workers. When we get to his house, he sets me up with the cleaning supplies, saying his roommate is about to return from a trip and wants the house clean for her. I soon realize from the jewelry in his bathroom that this roommate may indeed be his girlfriend or wife. Throughout the time I am there, he seems very nervous and isn’t quite sure how this is supposed to go. Frankly neither am I. After a while of lightly cleaning his already clean house, we get to the real reason he wants me there. I am to lie on the bed, touch myself and talk dirty to him. I am surprisingly comfortable with the whole idea, and in fact I am actually turned on by his watching me. It is at this point I realize that yes; I may in fact be an exhibitionist.

Man #2 He informed me that his real housecleaner had just visited that morning, so there was no cleaning for me to do. Instead he wanted me to walk around in the short skirt, bra and panties I had brought for the occasion. All I had to do was walk around his apartment, showing my legs and bottom. He also shared with me how he had been recently been dumped. I only stayed one half hour and got paid for the full hour.

Man #3 He was a friendly European who sincerely just wanted me to clean his house. This is almost more shocking to me than a man who has no cleaning to do at all. It is shocking because his place is filthy. I mean, I really have to clean using all of my elbow grease. Mental note to myself, bring gloves next time. When I am finished cleaning and we are done organizing his papers together, we sit down to talk. For another 45 minutes we sit, him clothed, me naked and talk about the trials and tribulations (mostly trials) of online dating. I stay for two hours total and leaving feeling like something strange and surreal has just occurred.

Man #4 He was from Northern Europe. His wife and children only live with him for part of the year so I guess he was bored. I start out doing a little vacuuming, mostly while he is in the other room, talking on the phone. I finish vacuuming and he comes in and takes off his shirt. His chest is covered in large scars and I can’t help to wonder what happened to him. He then repeatedly asks me to massage him and tries to touch me and I repeatedly say no touching. He was a friendly European who sincerely just wanted me to clean his house. This is almost more shocking to me than a man who has no cleaning to do at allThen he asks me to sleep with him for a large sum of money and I again politely decline. I am trying not to show my annoyance but am hoping to get out of there quickly. In the end I feel an uncomfortable mix of empowerment and just plain gross.

Man #5 He lives about 45 minutes South from me, but I feel like going for a ride, so it is okay. The really humorous thing about this was, I initially couldn’t find the house and approached the wrong house. I rang the bell and a guy in his 20s answered, so I assumed this was my appointment and started to walk in. He stopped me and asked who I was and why I was walking into his house. I fumbled through an excuse but I could tell, he knew something was up. I left blushing and quickly found the correct house across the street. I finally found Man #5 and he promptly tells me that he is young and has too much money so why not spend it on this? This guy’s girlfriend had just left him and he symbolically wanted to remove all traces of her, so I cleaned the bathroom and got rid of all of her hair. Upon finishing the bathroom, we sat in his bedroom and talked. This time however, I was feeling even more adventurous than usual and I let him touch me. I am glad I did. From there I went to a bookstore and treated myself to something for some of my more intellectual endeavors.

Man #6 He was staying at his Uncle’s house 45 minutes North of me in a city I was planning on visiting anyway that day. He apparently lives in Chicago and was taking an extended vacation here. I walk into a messy apartment with the television on and the football game blaring. The television doesn’t go off the whole time I am there. The first thing Man #6 does is hand me a check after I had stated very clearly in my ad and with our correspondences, cash only. I am thinking in the back of my mind, don’t take the check, but he seems nice enough, so I accept it. To make this situation even stranger, he tells me that we actually corresponded under different circumstances online in a dating context. I think I had decided that he was too into sports for my taste, so I never wrote back. He asked me why I never wrote back, and I said that I just didn’t like maintaining online conversations that much. He then gives me this whole sad story about how his legs are SO sore from bike riding and would I PLEASE massage them. I say that I normally don’t touch,

I start out doing a little vacuuming, mostly while he is in the other room, talking on the phone...

I start out doing a little vacuuming, mostly while he is in the other room, talking on the phone…

but since I am already feeling guilty about blowing him off online earlier, I say okay. I massage his legs and clean the sooty window sills for good measure. This whole experience was making me feel strange, and I was more than happy to leave. The real end of this story comes two weeks later when predictably, his check gets returned to me because no such account even exists. I just knew that was going to happen and I am angry with him for being such a dishonest man, I am angry with myself for being such a sucker and I am angry at the bank for charging me for this man’s bad check.

These cleaning appointments have been very educational experiences. I have seen a side of men I don’t normally get to see while dating them. I have learned a lot about what men like and dislike sexually, as they tend to be completely open and honest with me. I am a stranger to them and so they have nothing to loose by revealing their secrets and desires, as I don’t judge them.

As I enter my late 20s, my body has become my friend and I am on most days, happy with what I see in the mirror. For me, the validation I receive from men does make me feel more confident and sexy but I try not to rely on that alone for my confidence. It is an empowering experience to show my body and get paid for it but I need to remember that my body is not made for the pleasure of others, but for my own as my only true home. My first several experiences as a naked house cleaner proved exciting, and educational; and there was more in store for me than I thought. The more appointments I visit, the more I am empowered by the experience … But that is another story.

Read Part 2 of Ellie’s “Diaries of a naked house cleaner” …

Ellie Brown See all posts by this author
Ellie, an educated feminist, has just discovered she's an exhibitionist!
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