Breaking up and moving on

Ok, this is going to be a bit deep so put your swim suit on and try not to drown. It’s time to swim in Sun’s soul. I’m feeling like sharing. I want to make sure all you guys don’t think this is a “hate men” site. I know a lot of us tend to let our frustrations out in our articles and believe me, it’s therapy. I feel very lucky to have an outlet like this to express things in a straight forward fashion without having to really hurt anyone.

My last relationship wasn’t exactly the healthiest and I had a lot of anger about it. Not only towards the man but also towards myself. I believe that’s past now and I am in a Open your heart even more the next time. Men can be wonderful loving, yet masculine beings forgiving state. Much better. I do believe there are stages after a break up that you should naturally let yourself go through. I try to embrace them all and know that they will pass. This can be hard at times. But I think the worst thing is being on bad terms with someone you once loved. I could be wrong but I feel forgiveness is very important in life. We are all on our own path and who is anyone to judge the other where they should be. The same thing can happen to two people and one will be devastated while the other will let it roll off. I’m not saying you should let anyone treat you like shit. Man or woman. I’m saying that it feels a lot better to just walk away and try to forgive. I believe it hardens us when we don’t. It makes us cautious where we should be free.

Break – ups suck! there’s no doubt about it. They are probably one of the hardest things we ever have to go through next to death. I hate that feeling in your stomach. Yuck, you know what I’m talking about. It hurts. I did “bootie calls” with my ex for 10 months after we broke up just to relieve that pain for a few moments but it actually did the opposite. It kept it there way longer than it would have had I stayed away. Yet in the end I learned more than I ever imagined about myself. Especially what I want and don’t want and who I want to be as a human being. Remember, there are no mistakes as long as you learn something.

Whatever you do, don’t beat yourself up. Even if you did things that weren’t right. Remember that you’re human and start forgiveness in your own heart. Try and be soft. Even when you’re furious, take a few minutes before bed to breathe and calm down. Most of the time when we are angry it’s really fear or sadness we are avoiding. And sometimes we’re just fucking pissed. I know. Try not to do “bootie calls”. If you do then embrace them with all your heart and do them until you’re done. Remember that we are all just trying to survive in this world and sometimes we fuck up.

When I’m really angry at someone I try and picture them as a little kid. I know it sounds corny but I swear it helps. I picture them before they became jaded and I feel compassion for who they are now. You don’t really know what happened to people to mold them into who they are today. Children are born innocent. Judgement never hurts anyone but you in the end. You won’t feel good about yourself if you judge. Even if you think the person is an “asshole” or a “bitch”. This is something that is hard to do. Try and go a day without judging anything. From someone on the street you don’t know to something someone said that you thought was rude or this or that. Pretty, ugly, fat, small, bitch, asshole, etc. etc… Listen to all the words that pass through your mind and you will be amazed at all the judgement. I love the buddhist religion for many reasons but mostly because they believe in non judgement of anything. I have found it is the hardest thing to do so far in my life. Believe me, I’m not there but I’m in it. I’m trying. I’m conscience.

If you’re going through a break up, I’m sorry. I know how you feel as do a billion other people. There are millions of people feeling the same way you are right now. This too shall pass. Until it does I would like to leave you with a few things that helped me out: Cry. Cry like you’ve never cried before. It doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human. No one says you have to do it in front of anyone if that’s not comfortable. Mourn as long as you need to. Your heart is on it’s own time. Not anyone else’s. At the same time, know that you will live, the sun will rise and time will go by. Let your mind get out of it’s own little world and realize that there are people starving, at war, people who have lost their children, people who are paralyzed, and the list goes on and on. Send your energy to them. You will get it back ten fold. Every thought you have is creating your future. Make it count. God, I forget that one a lot. Get out and be with your friends even if it sucks. Do things that make you feel beautiful whether your a man or woman. Do things that fill your heart. Do things that make you feel like a good person. Help someone out. Spend as much time in nature as you possibly can. I promise you that nature will help heal you. Spend a few moments by yourself just breathing and letting whatever you feel out. Allow yourself to “just be”. Yoga is great. Again, for a man or woman. Try to bring your self to present moment. Right here, right now, with me reading.

Some great books I have read are: Be the Person You Want to Find – by Cheri Huber, Enchanted Love – by Marianne Williamson, and The Art of Happiness – by Dalai Lama.

Know somewhere in your heart that you will get through it, it does get easier, and you will love again. It’s all up to you. If you become jaded, it’s your own fault and it will be your own personal hell. Open your heart even more the next time. Men can be wonderful loving yet masculine beings. Treat them that way. Women can be the softest yet strongest beings. Treat them that way. And whatever you do, don’t kid yourself. We need each other. I’m not talking about self esteem stuff. I’m talking about primal need. The Yin & Yang. The balance of all things. Men need women and women need men, no matter what your lifestyle. If we didn’t, there would only be one gender here on this planet. Maybe if we all spent more time admitting that instead of acting like it’s a wrong need we would have a lower divorce rate. Do something different next time. Swim in your love.

Sun See all posts by this author
is an artist and writer.
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