Bartenders and dating

I’ll admit it, I’ve had a few crushes on bartenders throughout the years. I’ll also admit that in being a bartender, I’ve been the object of a crush or two. What is it about bartenders?

On the occasion that I’ve been informed of a crush, I usually ask that person if they’d feel the same if I was their waitress at Denny’s. That usually leaves them with a puzzled look on their face. What makes a person making your drinks more appealing than that waitress delivering your Grand Slam? The most obvious answer, to me, is that there is a level of intoxication involved that doesn’t exist with a breakfast at Denny’s. Is it because we have control over that ever so important cocktail? Or could it be that bartenders tend to be more charismatic and outgoing? Some people have even told me that bartenders have a “Rock Star” aura about them. Whatever the case, if you do get past the crush and go on to date a bartender, there are a lot of things you have to take into consideration before you take the relationship plunge.

First of all, let it be known that there are bartenders out there that are in it to score with the opposite sex. Although they tend to be male of the species, that doesn’t mean you men out there should rule out that the female bartender your eying is one of those types. If you are serious about getting to know that bartender, be subtle about it, talk to them as a friend, don’t burst out of the gate with come on’s and cheesy lines. You’ve got to remember that we, as bartenders, have heard it all.

Once you’ve established this friendship and want to carry it a step further, but aren’t sure whether or not your bartender wants to do the same, stop. Bartenders tend to be self-assured people. In time, they will let you know whether or not they want to see you on a romantic level. If you disclose your crush at this point and this person isn’t interested, you can lose the friendship you’ve established and create an awkward situation that may keep you from visiting your favorite watering hole. Also, keep in mind that there are a lot of bartenders that are out there to earn a living and do not use their position to score.

Now, if all is going in your favor and you do start dating your bartender, you need to know what you’re in for. First off, if you’re the jealous type, don’t get involved with a bartender–very bad combination. Every time that person is behind the bar they are constantly subject to members of the opposite sex. Flirting is an aspect of the job and a jealous person will never be comfortable with that. I’ve worked with bartenders who have lost their jobs due to jealous lovers.

We are also a very social bunch. If you are out with your bartender mate, get used to the fact that you may not always have them entirely to yourself. Being in constant contact with people, your mate will make a lot of friends that you might just run into. If you want to be alone and have them all to yourself, rent a movie and plan a night in.

The next thing you have to take into consideration is a bartender’s schedule. If you become involved with a day bartender, this may not pose as a problem. However, if you are with a night bartender, get used to spending a lot of your nights out solo. Friday and Saturday nights are big money nights and bartenders rely on that money. Unless it’s something extra special, don’t ask that person to give up a big money shift so that you can spend a weekend night out. If they do volunteer a weekend night off for you, they are giving up a lot of money–appreciate it and make the most of it. Also, get used to the fact that your significant other won’t be getting home until 2-3 in the morning, and will most likely sleep till later the next day. Breakfast dates won’t be happening a whole lot.

Every relationship has its ups and downs. Bartenders are no different when it comes to matters of the heart. However, we do have a different lifestyle that isn’t always conducive to a relationship. It is absolutely possible to have a great relationship with a bartender–not to mention great fun. Just accept the differences as you would want them to accept yours. After a while you’ll have a routine and an awesome partnership.

Anastasia See all posts by this author
is a BADASSCHICK™ contributor.
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