Author Archives: Crystal River

Blowing him off!

We've all been there, cornered by Mr. Wrong, searching frantically for a way out.

Let him see pie

Nothing makes a man want to run faster than trying to trap him, yet there are quite a lot of self-conscious chicks out there who put unfair restrictions on their men.

Get him to eat your pie

Is he a being a pussy about eating your pie? Here's how to change his mind.

Shaving your pie

In honor of Pi day, we're going to discuss your Pie.

The storm before the calm

Have you ever had one of those days, weeks, months, or even years where everything seems to fall apart at once? I had one of those “when it rains it pours” stages a few months ago. Every single aspect of my life was going straight down the drain. What made it even harder to deal with was the fact that my life had been relatively easy for the previous couple of years. I’d even jinxed myself by saying, “I feel […]

Lost in love

I can't count the number of hours my girlfriends and I have wasted talking to each other about our boyfriends and over-analyzing every little thing they've ever said.

Attack of the 5-ft creep

He's the type who will try to impress you by telling you what kind of car he drives and how much money he makes, so lets have some fun!

Buried Alive: Afraid of commitment?

There is no denying that the genders are on separate wavelengths when it comes to commitment. We're on separate wavelengths about a lot of things, but this issue seems to stand out the most.

Do we really peak at 30?

I have come to the conclusion that I am one horny chick. I can't believe that I really have 5 years to go until my sexual peak.

Duh, I bench 400

What the fuck are you guys thinking? Do you really believe that building your body up to a freakish level of muscularity is of any value at all?

Dud or Stud?

Why is it that we woman pick the tight-bodied stud over the nerdy nice guy? This is a real no-brainer; it's because the tight-bodied stud makes us all tingly.

I was a female dick

Forget wielding a .45, driving a red Ferrari, and helping that poor widow millionairess find her long lost daughter. The majority of my time was spent gathering information about people who did not want to be found.

10 pick-up lines that DON’T work

Everyone likes a funny pick up line. But if you are not a handsome supermodel, famous actor or glutton for punishment I suggest you avoid these cheesy examples.

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