Ah, the single life

Have you ever noticed that in almost any situation, the grass seems greener on the other side? For instance, single life versus being in a long-term relationship or married. Single folks, for the most part, always seem to envy the married ones. I’ve noticed it in myself on such holidays as Valentines Day, Christmas, Arbor Day……you get my point. But I’ve discovered that the “marrieds” are poking their noses over that fence, too. Especially the ones with kids.

I’ve been both married and single — and both have their merits. However, I’d like to address being single……I mean really single. Being on your own, completely. It’s a Too many people have the tendency to give in to the “Velcro” syndrome noble thing if it’s carried off effectively. Have you ever walked into a wedding or class reunion, stag? It may be intimidating at first, but you’ll find that a lot of those people who brought their spouses or significant others — or even just got a date because they didn’t want to attend alone — will be looking longingly at your table because it will be where all the joviality will be coming from.

And then of course I get this comment from married acquaintances with good intentions: “When are you going to get married? Don’t you want kids?” After I give my stock answers of, “I don’t know” and “No,” I occasionally get the following inquisition, “Aren’t you afraid of dying alone?” Right after I’ve gotten over the disbelief over how this person has more nerve than a bum tooth, I reply, “Everyone dies alone — with the notable exception of plane crashes.” That’s been effective on more than one occasion. You have my permission to use that one.

It’s a long path to get to that level of comfort in your own skin, especially if you’ve had a nasty breakup recently. But it’s a necessary level to get to. Too many people have the tendency to give in to the “Velcro” syndrome. Latching onto the very next person that comes along only because they ARE the next person who came along. A lot of bad relationships, not to mention marriages, are started that way. You have to become a whole person before you can give yourself to someone else.

Take time to be by yourself. Let the dust settle. We all go through our daily routines and interact with other people on a day-to-day basis. It’s when we’re forced to be alone that truly melds our character — or reveals a lack thereof. It’s self-defining: No one trying to change you, no one telling you where to go, what to do, when to do it, or whom to do it with. Sure, sleeping alone does lose its charm after awhile and it may be lonely at times, but not for long.

Is being single a nasty hang? I don’t think so. It’s when you exude a self-confidence that stems from being comfortable in your own skin that makes the opposite sex stampede to your doorstep. Wouldn’t you rather be alone for the right reasons, than be with someone for the wrong ones?

Andrea See all posts by Andrea
is a BADASSCHICK Magazine™ contributor
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